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American Public TV-Western Connecticut Public TV Network

Western Connecticut Wrestling Teams

Al, Andrew, Eric, Nancy, Irma Bruhn (Irma Kessler)

June 21, 2007 outside German Hall, Busch Gardens

...HAPPY 35TH WEDDING ANNIVERSARY TO AL & NANCY BRUHN ON JUNE 17, 2007!...

It's the holidays so put on your happy face

A guide to surviving in-laws, overcooked food and bad taste...

By Karen Ali STAFF WRITER

The News-Times

Article Last Updated: 11/11/2007 05:08:34 AM EST

Al Bruhn of Ridgefield says depending on where he spends the holidays, they can be a memorable pleasure or a big "family feud."

Bruhn says his family -- wife Nancy, and two sons, Andrew and Eric -- celebrate Thanksgiving in Ridgefield, where it's "simple and peaceful."

Christmas, on the other hand, is with his sister and mother in Florida.

"Thanksgiving will be a peaceful family get-together whereas the December Floridian family get-together will be like a special Oprah/Dr. Phil TV program trying to find ways at family unity," Bruhn says. "Springfield, Fla., is not the nicest place to visit during the holidays as I can attest to our last visit, when it was as cold as in Connecticut on Christmas Day."

So why bother with the crazy Christmas thing?

The family pull can be very strong.

"I feel obligated as the son of my mother, Irma Kessler Bruhn; and my sons, Andrew and Eric, care about their grandmother and their aunt, Anita Dibble, plus the fact that Andrew and Eric are concerned about family matters in general."

Bruhn said he and his immediate family "try to mediate the differences between my sometimes hostile sister and self-asserting and domineering mother, who's a heart bypass patient."

Andrew and Eric were adopted from South Korea in 1986 and 1987 respectively, and are sensitive to family issues of the day. Andrew Bruhn is 21 and a history ed major at SCSU. Eric Bruhn is 20 and a nursing student at Danbury Hospital.

Bruhn said the "basic argument is whether Anita should control her mother all the time. Should Anita dictate her mother's chores in their Floridian home? Should Anita dictate how much electricity her mother uses within their home?"

Life coaches and motivational speakers say it's not unusual to have such issues cause problems during family holidays, but there are steps to take that help.

According to author and gratitude expert Mike Robbins, Thanksgiving can be a time of reflection, connection, and transformation.

Robbins, the author of the new book "Focus on the Good Stuff: The Power of Appreciation," offers three reminders and three action ideas for making this Thanksgiving one to remember.

Reminders

Be grateful -- focus on the good stuff and count your blessings.

Acknowledge the people around you -- let the people in your life know what you appreciate about them.

Appreciate yourself -- pat yourself on the back and focus on what you are doing well.

Action ideas

When you sit down at the table for Thanksgiving, go around the table and have everyone share things they're grateful for.

Before, during, or after your meal, pick someone to acknowledge, let them know how they have positively impacted your life, and then ask them to "pay it forward" and acknowledge someone else in the group. Keep going until everyone has been appreciated.

Take time to reflect on yourself and your life and ask yourself, "What do I appreciate about myself?" Write down your answers to this question or share them with others you trust.

Danbury resident Lorraine Traisci especially likes Robbins' advice about looking for the good in people. She has friends, she says, who don't look forward to the holidays because they don't like their children's spouses.

"If you look for the good in people, you find it," she says. "Life is so short as it is. You can't wait until you're 21. Then all of a sudden you're 31 and 41 and 51 and 61. It usually hits you on the ones -- Where did the time go?"

When there are disagreements, everyone suffers, she added. "I wish people were happier. Everything we do is a choice."

Of course most people want to see the good in others, but when a grandparent keeps criticizing your parenting skills, or a teen keeps sending text messages throughout a family meal after she's been told to stop, or your brother can never arrive on time for a gathering, it's hard to keep a positive attitude.

Life coach Kathy Caprino has some suggestions to help people like the Bruhns or other families with problems. If you want to get along with your loved ones around the holidays, she says, manage your expectations.

Caprino acknowledges that with some relatives we don't have much common ground regarding interests, values, hobbies, preferences, and belief systems.

"This isn't going to change just because it's the holiday season," says Caprino, author of the forthcoming book "Breakdown, Breakthrough: The Professional Woman's Guide to Claiming a Life of Passion, Power, and Purpose."

Her advice: "Realize and accept that you are different from this loved one, try not to judge, and hold the intention in your heart and mind that different is OK."

Another tip -- avoid too much togethertime.

"Sometimes, when thrown together with our loved ones for longer periods than we're used to, our nerves can fray and our tempers heat up," Caprino said. "Make sure you get enough me time alone or with people or activities that restore and revitalize you. When nerves get frazzled take a walk, go out for coffee"� remove yourself to get centered and calm again."

A third suggestion: Resolve outstanding conflicts before the holidays or strike a temporary truce.

"At times in our lives, we can find ourselves in the midst of a conflict with a loved one that will take some time to resolve. If this is the case, try to discuss it and clear the air before the holidays.

"If you simply can't come to an agreement, then agree to disagree amicably if you can, until after the holidays are over. During this busy and stressful time, we're not typically capable of our best, highest thinking about an issue, so resolving it in the middle of our holiday dinner is not likely."

Founder of Coaching for Positive Change in Wilton, Caprino also advises people to refrain from repeating what hasn't worked. "If going to your brother's house for the holidays always ends up a disaster with fights and slamming doors, don't do it again. As has been said, 'Doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome is the definition of insanity.' "

Coming up with new ways to celebrate the holidays is a good idea. A different tradition, a new locale, a varied collection of family and guests -- all can make a difference. "Change it up, and create a new recipe for holiday togetherness that works."

Her fifth tip is to speak up calmly and openly when something isn't right for you.

"No matter how old we are, being with loved ones brings us right back to our childhood, complete with all the wonders and disappointments of our childhood family relationships," Caprino says.

Now more than ever is the time to keep yourself in the present, and avoid reliving old family dynamics that you've outgrown.

"Unlike when we were children, as adults we can speak up, calmly and rationally, and explain to our loved ones when something is not working for us," she says.

Whether it's not wanting to drive 10 hours for the holiday, or wishing someone else would help out with decorating the house or making dinner for 12, make your preferences known, in the moment, without defensiveness.

"Standing up for yourself with confidence and optimism truly works wonders," Caprino says.

Bruhn said he agrees with Caprino's ideas. And he's recently learned yoga, which has helped with his stress level.

His introduction into yoga "is helping me to focus on myself and become more relaxed in terms of how I should behave and help myself and family as well," he said.

Dateline:Williamsburg, Virginia...It's the beginning of the south and hospitality abounds all around. Al and Nancy began their journey to the southern state on August 20 at 9pm, after Andrew and Eric joined them following their workday at Ridgefield's Super Stop & Shop. Al drove the first three hours through challenging traffic in New York City and New Jersey, followed by Nancy's two hours of driving and then Al's driving again and finally Nancy's driving into Williamsburg at about 6:45am Sunday morning. It was the first and last time for an all night drive for the Bruhns. August 21 found the Bruhns recuperating from their sleepless night on the road with a great breakfast at Cracker Barrel after checking into their Fairfield at Williamsburg condo. Hot and humid was the weather of the day that persisted into Monday, August 22 where the Bruhns spent the day at Busch Gardens and had their family photo taken as posted on this homepage. Tuesday was a rainy day and time to relax and catch-up on lost sleep time from the previous weekend. Then, the party began with the best weather for another day at Busch Gardens August 23. Swimming at Yorktown beach was the great weather day on Thursday, August 24. And, back to Busch Gardens on Friday, August 26 for another great weather day of fun activities. While at Busch Gardens, Andrew and Eric experienced all the challenging rides while Al and Nancy enjoyed the sky ride, train ride and boat ride. The Bruhns always met at The German pavilion for lunch. The Bruhns left their Kingsgate Condo Saturday, August 27 and headed to Reading, Pennsylvania to visit the factory outlet stores before venturing back to their Ridgefield, Connecticut home on Sunday, August 28. Home Sweet Home!

More Bruhn family travel news!

(Orlando, Florida)...Al, Eric, Nancy and Andrew enjoy the day at Sea World, where animals love to entertain people. Great free Budweiser on tap and lots more for the entire family! Believe is the theme for the infamous Shamu show. And, dolphins share the theatrical stage with high wire people and daredevil diving acts. At Disney's Magic Kingdom, Epcot and MGM, there's no limit to anyone's imagination!

Al found his special place at MGM. By the way, Al lost more than 6 lbs. during family vacation with a steadfast cardio training diet cast by his trainer Max Rinaldi, who's his mixed martial arts trainer. Jesus Loves greeted MGM visitors in the sunny skies August 10, 2006. Interesting how the Lord works wonders!

Bruhn family owns condos at Fairfield at Sedona, Arizona and Fairfield Williamsburg at Kingsgate. Plenty of places to have Bruhn time share fun all year!

Andrew Bruhn website

Eric Bruhn website

Al Bruhn resume

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